It took two weeks, but the cold has found me. I returned from sunny Colorado vitamin D balances restored and with a tiny hope that maybe I would be lucky and winter would be gentle with me for the next month. Winter had other plans. Cold has descend on Fairbanks over the last several days and with it all the complications with living this off-grid, ice moat existence. As the temperatures bottomed out last night (-35 by one thermometer, -33 by the other) I woke every two hours to feed the woodstove. My pyro-sleep walking was effective in that the house never dropped below 66 degrees, but I am spending yet another day in a strange zombie state. Another complication of the off-grid life is plugging in my car…..I can’t, so when it is this cold my choice is to haul the generator up the hill, start it in the cold, and let it run for at least an hour before I want to go anywhere, or work from home. So, it is my second work day at home, I’m sure much to the dismay of my employer. All these tasks seems so much easier when Dave is here, but he is far away on a ship in Antarctic waters, so I get to feel overwhelmed for a bit longer.

I have been logging on to to help with staying centered during all this internal and house turmoil, but my brain in having hard time staying present. Instead I try to keep coming back to my koan of the year and breathing through it:

“how to taste the quality of the moment, of the week, without the labels of good and bad, or succeeding and failing. But really just get used to tasting or knowing or experiencing the quality of what you are going through, not as some final thing.”- pema chodron